Excerpt from The Greatest Food Fight of All Time

[At the same moment, Derek and Kyle, as well as Tucker and his crew lifted the centers of their tables, folding them in half and standing them upright on their wheels. They turned them sideways, forming a mobile protective wall. Derek grabbed a handful of tater tot hot dish and flung it across the room, hitting Josh Reynolds right in the face. Josh stood, arming himself with a handful of corn, and hurled it back at Derek. The kernels splattered harmlessly against the upturned table as Derek ducked behind.

“Food fight!” someone screamed.

“Let’s move this table, boys, we must protect the stage!” Kyle bellowed. They slowly wheeled the table across the floor towards the stage as Josh and his group folded their table up. “Keep firing, men! We must not let the enemy rest!” As they moved toward the stage, Ernie Johnson and Mark Dillinger held trays piled high with food while Derek and Kyle threw tater tots and corn at the south side tables. Carl O’Neil was pushing the table towards the stage slowly but surely.

Kyle poked his head out of his side of the table, a fistful of pudding-covered lettuce in his hand. He cocked his arm back to fire away, but was nailed in the face with a bowl of chocolate pudding before he could release. “I’m hit, boys! I’m hit!”

“Fear not, Captain Confusion!” Derek yelled. “It’s just pudding!”

By now, all three tables along the south side were on end, all three north side tables were on end, and there was a fierce battle being waged over control of the kindergartners and first-graders that had been seated at the middle tables. There was not a student in the cafeteria out in the open anymore, and food was spread everywhere. Derek and Kyle’s team had finally reached the stage, and had turned the table on its side in front of the stage. Kyle and Ernie climbed into the middle of the table, bringing with them several plates of food.

“We’re runnin’ a little low on ammo her’, General Mayhem, we’re gonna hafta send someone back for more!”

“I’m on it, Captain! Mark! Carl! Let’s go get more ammo!” The three crouched behind the table. “All right, guys, here’s the plan: I’ll draw their fire as you guys run across to the table Lani’s hiding behind. Help her and her friends tip it over like ours is, then motor on to the kitchen. Run back fast as you can with as many plates as you can. If Major Chaos hasn’t taken the kitchen yet, you guys help him accomplish his mission, then head back.”

“What about the tables in the middle, sir?” asked Carl.

“Help whoever you can take whatever you can, but don’t allow yourselves to be taken. Resist capture at all costs. Good luck and Godspeed, boys.” With a loud “Hoo-rah!” Derek stood, drawing the attention and ire of all five guys stationed behind the south side table nearest them.]

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